Source: Mindfulness and Depression
Often people write to me and send some wonderful questions. I have collected the answers that I have written to one individual and thought they might be helpful to others.
A moment of Enlightenment
Thank you for your guidance. I tried to do the meditation that you mentioned, but I haven’t been having much success. I think I only once got the feeling of “being the watcher”, in the beginning of a meditation, but it only lasted for a couple of seconds. It was a strange feeling tho, like I tried to step back and just be the watcher, and then like… I completely disappeared. I was just not there, I couldn’t find myself anywhere, but something was left there, that wasn’t me. It’s like they say – awareness was there, and I was not. Everything was gone, but there was something left, and that was awareness. Of course, I am not sure about this experience, may be I was just hallucinating it, but it felt like something real, at least the only thing that “happened” during meditation. I tried to meditate some more, but it feels like nothing happens and I’m just struggling through it.
That sounds like a wonderful experience. You began to experience your Self.
It is normal to try to hold on to your identity or personality even when you begin to feel the Self. But feeling as if you are nothing is part of the process. The next step in this is to completely surrender to the experience of nothingness as if you were melting or dissolving into it. It may feel as if you will die if you go too far with this but you will not. No matter what that voice in your head tells you. Just keep going until there is nothing left of ‘you’.
Everything changes once you do this.
Do not struggle with it. Struggling is like shadow boxing or playing air drums and expecting to get a sound from the snare.
The emptiness, nothingness is what is Real. The personality you call your name is just a hologram.
Just relax and watch and then surrender.
In response to a question about non-dualism
While it is true that meditation can perpetuate the illusion that there are two of you, I have found it to be very helpful in relaxing and dissolving all those things that are not who I am and just Being.
I am quite resistant to fundamentalism in any form, including non-dualism. I consider myself a believer in non-dualism but not from an intellectual standpoint. For truly there is only One writing this and it is the same One reading it. But the human intellect can get itself woven into any belief system including non-dualism. When that happens one can become pedantic. I am open to many different things and love exploring, so following one narrow path has no appeal to me. Maybe that causes my words or deeds to be perceived as dualistic or non-spiritual. It does not concern me. Self-Awareness never changes nor is it ever affected by any of that.
More about shadows and dissolving them and a sales tip.
Let’s begin with the meditation process.
Just asking these emotions/shadows/thoughts to leave will not help very much. They will come right back. The process I have described must be done exactly as written. You must learn to USE the shadows to define who you are. They are not who and what you are. So if they are not who you are then who are you? Once you have a clear sense of your real identity then you must surrender into that identity. That is when the shadows dissolve. When you really live that identity only then will the shadows will not come back.
If you are living as the Light that you are then shadows cannot exist in you. It is very simple. Not easy but very simple.
I will recommend 2 of my guided meditations. They will help you get started…. Leaving Behind the Darkness, and Walking Into the Light. These two mp3 files should be worked with every day two times a day. Then you will really understand the process.
So to your insights….
The physical world can be a very difficult place to exist. There is a great deal of pain and suffering here. I live in a 3rd world country and see it so much every day. I too am extremely sensitive. I am an empath and feel everyone’s feelings all day every day. I have had to learn to help when I can and let it go when I cannot. And to know the difference. It has taken me a long time and a great deal of suffering to accomplish this. You will need to learn this also. That sensitivity that helps you sell also opens you to feel suffering. You must always be compassionate but learn to step back a bit as well.
Depression will take a lot of work on your part to get rid of. You must follow all the practices in the book I put up at the website. All of them. If you really want to get rid of the depression then you must be absolutely committed to doing so. It is not easy but it will be well worth the effort.
This feeling of peace that came over you is a gift. A wonderful gift. Every time you feel it you must surrender to it. Just imagine that you are melting into it until there is nothing left of you. Ignore all other thoughts and feelings. Nothing…..nothing is more important than surrendering into that peace or into that love. Nothing. Not even your life. If you do this you will see the shadows dissolve very quickly.
Sales tip #1…. Be yourSelf. Be genuine. Care about the other person and their company more than you care about selling to them.
About having a busy mind and fear.
Oh my, your mind is so busy.
Take a few deep breaths right this moment and relax before reading further.
Now contemplate this…..
There is nothing to figure out right this moment. There are no answers necessary.
The Real You is not trying to cope. The Real You has no fear. The Real You is not searching. The Real You laughs at the human nature of you quite often.
Are you drinking any alcohol or smoking any weed? If so, stop for a while.
Now take a few deep breaths and relax before reading any further.
Look at the fear.
Look at all the things that fear is telling you.
Look at your reactions to the fear.
Is that who and what you really are?
The fear is lying to you. Everything is says is exactly opposite of the truth. So if you hear fear say something then you can figure out what the truth is by listening to the lies. Do you understand this?
If I say that black is white then you can know that black is black.
The fear is not your friend. The fear does not protect you. The fear is not any part of who and what you are. The fear is exactly the opposite of who and what you are.
Contemplate all of that this evening. Feel these things as you go to sleep tonight.
Surrender to the Real You, the Truth as you fall asleep.
When you finally live as the Self, the Being that you Really are, the fear will dissolve and will have no place in your experience any longer.
Forget all the concepts for a while. Just focus on experience.
Won’t just Being the Self be boring?
Believe me, if you just Be the Self in life it will be anything but boring. Life will flow and be magical. Things will work out for you as if all the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place each time you take a step forward. It will be amazing.
I tell you this from experience.
Watch the human you.
There will be more upcoming but watch the human self for now for a month or so. When you are ready we will move forward with this.
Remember, the closer you come to dissolving the shadows the more they will attempt to distract you and to fill you with fear and depression.
Don’t let them distract you. Everything depends on it.
This is what the shadows do. Just imagine all of these shadowy characters floating around you trying to distract you. And every time you react to them they get some energy. They love your fear and depression. It is like ice cream or chocolate to them. But when you recognize what they are saying and that they are not you they begin to lose their power. Then you can use them. “If they are not me then who am I?”
When you recognize your real Self and relax into It then the shadows dissolve.
Pretty simple. Not easy, but it is quite a simple truth.
You are doing fine.
Do not let these shadows have any more chocolate.
About the fear of surrendering.
Surrender is frightening to everyone. Dissolving into Nothing is scary to the one who says “this is my life”. The fear of losing control, losing everything or dying is a strong shadow. It takes a great deal of courage for the first year of doing this. It takes extraordinary courage to surrender, to let go the first few times. If it was easy everyone would be doing it.
You do not need to feel bad about being afraid. But you do need to ignore the fear and press on. To go ahead and dissolve into the Infinite no matter what the shadows scream. You must be willing to die to experience your Infinite Self. It is the same for everyone. Nothing can be more important.
Most people do it only when they have nothing left to lose.
It is certainly something yourSelf wants to experience, otherwise you would not have connected with me.
I can tell you a thousand times that you will be fine when you surrender, when you dissolve. But that will only get you to the edge of the cliff. Only you can take that step into the Infinite Self. Only you can dissolve all that you are not to finally Be what you Are.
But consciousness loves all, even the negative sides. So who is the one wanting to feel better. Isn’t it just mind fighting mind?
Just to be clear….
Gently contemplate this:
Conscious does not love all. Consciousness does not love at all. Consciousness Is Love.
There is a universe of difference.
Consciousness is beyond positive and negative. Both are illusions.
The one wanting to feel better is not who you are. If that is not who you are then who are you?
Surrender to that One.
In response to a question about an awakening movement in humanity at this time and about being Born Again.
The fundamentalist Christians in America always talk about being Born Again. But they miss the point entirely. They do not realize that you have to die first before you can be born again. They are too afraid to try that because they do not understand the true nature of Infinite Love – God.
So your statement is correct.
As you dissolve into the Infinite Self you will understand more and more.
But remember this important point:
Understanding follows surrender.
You cannot understand first.
You must surrender and die into the Infinite Self – God, without understanding the nature of the Universe or knowing what will happen.
Age of Awakening?
I see humanity evolving very slowly. I do not see humanity awakening for centuries. We would all like to think that our time frame is the age of awakening, the age of enlightenment. I do not see it but maybe I am missing something.
I see you awakening and that is all that is important right now.
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I have decided to post my entire Freedom From Suffering book online here at the blog for everyone to read. It is not as pretty as the printed book or the electronic book but the words and essence are all here. I will post one chapter a week until all 8 chapters are online.
Of course you can always purchase the beautiful hardcover edition or download the eBook version in .PDF format.
Enjoy the book and accompaning meditations.
If you have any questions please feel free to post them here for all to see or write to me.